i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
