Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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