I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
