I CAN MOONWALK!
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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