Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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