too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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