This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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