Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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