I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I know her cup size but not her name....
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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