Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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