I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
