Non-Jews are for practice
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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