i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
