Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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