the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
