it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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