he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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