After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
