i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
He has the fingertips of a God
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