I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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