Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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