Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
