When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
