Just fell off a train. Bad.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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