thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
3 2 1 whiskey
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
