Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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