why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
We have started to decorate penises.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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