Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
