After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
