Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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