is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
