2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
