she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
