So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
