it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
