no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
