they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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