My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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