hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
