He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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