all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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