home. puking in laundry basket.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
