he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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