So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
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