dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
