Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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