By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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