I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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