Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
