birth control should be required to get into college
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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