Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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