If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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